Several years ago, I was at work when a “friend” (lets call her Suzie) rang me crying saying the bailiffs were coming round as she was in a lot of debt. She continued to inform me that they were going to take her baby boys bed away (knowing that, that vital info would pull on my heart strings) Then she asked to borrow £2000 from me, after hearing everything she just said, how could I refuse? So I asked her for her bank details and sent her the money and agreed on a 2 year payment plan.
Then the following week Suzie, her boyfriend and their son went on holiday to Blackpool AND THEN they announced that they had booked a date for their wedding. (28 Aug 2010) – This all happened in a matter of a few weeks/months.
I felt like an absolute fool. I was asked to be bridesmaid BUT I’d have to buy my own dress, however then I was told I wasn’t going to be bridesmaid because the best man was going to be my “ex boyfriend”…. despite the relationship between the bride, groom and best man being a distant one … which was awfully strange. I was so hurt.
In January 2012 I bought my first property, 3 months later I went on holiday to Vegas and whilst I was away Suzies then husband, messaged me asking for more money. I was totally shocked. They was aware that I had just bought a property (which I was having problems with) and they still had the audacity to ask for money. Says it all really.
After considering it for maybe 2 seconds, I messaged back saying I wouldn’t lend them any more money and it was time they both took responsibility for their own finances. I recommended 2 books that I felt would be really helpful that would help them build a future for themselves long term (Parable of the Pipeline and Think and Grow Rich) However they didn’t pay attention to the recommendation and asked someone else for the money.
Two years later, they divorced and are both in worse financial situations than they were 7 years ago. It’s so sad.
It occurred to me that they would sooner take it from someone else than come off their benefits that they believed they were entitled to.
Four years ago began reflecting over the past 20 years of “friendship” with Suzie and I began distancing myself from her and her family. We want completely different things out of life and we had grown apart since our school days. Why was I trying to maintain a friendship with someone who clearly didn’t pay any interest in my life but only when it could benefit her in someway. She clearly didn’t respect me or what I was trying to achieve in life.
Crabs In A Bucket
The metaphor of the crabs in a bucket describes this perfectly. When one crab attempts to crawl its way out of the bucket, the other crabs are trying to drag the crab back into the bucket. It was be seen like “if I can’t have it, neither can you” or “stay in this bucket and be the same. Make me feel better about my life by never changing”
Sometimes you have to let these so called friends go and walk this path alone .. or at least until you meet more like-minded individuals that support and empower you.
If anyone was to ask me if lending or borrowing money off friends or family was a good idea, I would say HELL NO. It’s not worth it but if you do – no matter who it is, put a written agreement in place with monthly payments and interest rates included. Then if a payment is missed or if the money is being asked to be paid back quicker than agreed, you can both refer back to the agreement to dissolve and resolve any unnecessary complications.
I hope you have found this post helpful.
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